We learned a lot of important lessons from the classic Christmas movies we’ve grown up with over the years. Here’s a list of the best pieces of wisdom we could glean to help you make sure your Christmas is the best it possibly can be.
1. Make sure that nothing interferes with your morning alarm if you’re heading somewhere important to celebrate Christmas, or you might end up losing your kid…more than once.
2. Better yet, just ditch the travel plans, lest you should end up showing off a fake tan in front of your priest.
3. But if you are traveling, it’s best to do it alone (preferably in a foreign country) after having your heart crushed so that there’s plenty of room for “the one” to come swooping in.
4. Don’t sing a duet outside the shower of a naked girl you only met once. Shocking as it may be, she’ll probably find it a bit invasive and you’ll probably run, blindly, into a locker.
5. No matter how much Who hash you steal, you can’t steal the joy of Christmas, so you might as well just give in.
6. Never get caught in a lie about being the fiancée of a guy in a coma whose life you saved. You might be tempted, but trust me, he’s not worth the hassle.
7. Repair the dang hole in the pocket of your robe! I mean come on, this is important.
8. Don’t let Santa fall off your roof on Christmas Eve, because it will definitely lead to a serious change in your life plans. And you don’t want to have to deal with Neil when he keeps psychoanalyzing you.
9. Pouring gas around your plot of family Christmas trees and then cutting them down with a chainsaw will undoubtedly lead to fire.
10. The world would be a much worse place without you in it. No one wants to end up living in Pottersville.
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