Retrospect makes it easy to fall into self blame. This happens on all kinds of scales. But the fact of the matter is, a person won’t “know better” until he or she finds out for him or herself. That said, it’s common for us to want to impart the wisdom of our hard-learned lessons once we come to a place of clarity. So if you read this and disregard all of it as just another person’s subjective advice (see Why People Should Stop With the “Life Advice”) then I respect that. I, too, am a skeptic when people claim to have all the answers. Different people draw clarity from different sources. So this is a post about my own experiences, and what I wish I could have known from the beginning about love and romance.
…the fact of the matter is, a person won’t “know better” until he or she finds out for him or herself. That said, it’s common for us to want to impart the wisdom of our hard-learned lessons once we come to a place of clarity.
Don’t brush off the idea that your own personal soulmate is out there.
And I mean the word “soulmate” in the most magical of ways. Not that s/he is also a fan of the Red Sox or that s/he gets along well with your family. Not even that s/he knows all the words to your favorite songs. When I say soulmate, I mean that his or her soul is made of the same exact material as yours. I mean that s/he understands your irrational anger because s/he has those moments, too. I mean that you can talk about absolutely anything because there’s nothing s/he doesn’t get or pick up on. I mean that your commitment to one another is perfectly balanced, and never wavers. It’s so easy to lose faith in the magic of finding that person with your exact unique makeup out there—I’m talking down to the decimal: 8.219% weirdly passive aggressive, 17.351% dorky, 56.478% passionate, etc… S/he’s no angel, and goodness knows you aren’t. Flaws and all, though, your soulmate exists. It’s no wonder that generally the people who believe in them have found theirs and the people who don’t, haven’t. Don’t settle for less, and don’t lose faith in the existence of soulmates.
It’s no wonder that generally the people who believe in them have found theirs and the people who don’t, haven’t.
Broaden your horizons.
Don’t assume that your soulmate coincidentally grew up 5 miles down the road from you. Convenience does not equal fate. Don’t get me wrong, there are certainly some beautiful relationships between people I know who grew up in the same area. But I have also seen plenty of relationships that came out of convenience and resulted in dissatisfaction. Travel, explore, get out of your bubble. Don’t let the demographic of your hometown limit your own personal needs and desires. Who knows, maybe your soulmate is waiting for you in a small country 4,000 miles away.
Don’t let the demographic of your hometown limit your own personal needs and desires.
Your relationship should feel effortless.
I’m serious. All that stuff about how a relationship is about compromise is BS. There is such a thing as a relationship in which your desires are the same as his. You should never have to work at things, you should never have to give up on the things you want. I’ve gone through those relationships where you just don’t speak the same language… s/he doesn’t open up, or s/he is offensive without recognizing how it affects others, s/he lies, s/he doesn’t understand you, etc. The language of our souls is a much more serious matter than the language of our mouths. It wasn’t until I met someone that spoke a different language of the mouth that I finally met someone who spoke the language of my soul.
The language of our souls is a much more serious matter than the language of our mouths.
Even though everyone lied about the compromise stuff, they’re spot on when they say that communication is key.
You have got to talk… about everything. The highs, the lows, the mundane stuff, the meaningful topics. Politics, religion, long-term topics, short-term topics , nonsensical babble, rants, dreams, weird memories from childhood. The thing he did that annoyed you. The apology you want to make for taking things out on him. And you both have to be fully invested in every word.
The highs, the lows, the mundane stuff, the meaningful topics. Politics, religion, long-term topics, short-term topics , nonsensical babble, rants, dreams, weird memories from childhood
If your relationship doesn’t align with the criteria above, IT’S NEVER TOO LATE TO WALK AWAY.
Don’t be embarrassed by how long you’ve stayed in something that isn’t bringing you the happiness we are meant to find in love. Don’t stay so committed to the future that you so badly wanted to make work or the past that has turned your relationship into nothing more than habit and convenience that you lose sight of the things you’re giving up by settling. Your soulmate is out there. I know because I’ve found my own. Thank God for all the messy breakups I went through before meeting my soulmate. Wait, don’t settle. If things aren’t easy, things aren’t right.
As I said at the beginning, if you read all that and have decided I can only speak for myself, you’re absolutely right. But if you connected with it, hello, kindred friend. Don’t settle for anything less than the person who has been made for you.
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