Why People Should Stop With the “Life Advice”

Have you ever had someone offer you advice? Have you disagreed with the advice given? Lately, it seems that often after being “given” advice I’ve been left feeling inferior and judged for my beliefs. There is an art to giving advice. For a person to give truly meaningful advice, I think the right attitude must accompany it. As far as giving advice goes, in many ways I don’t think I’m worthy of doing so. I am one person of over seven billion on this planet. I have my own idiosyncrasies and peculiarities, my own motivators and emotions. To tell someone with a “listen up” tone of voice that what I’ve experienced in life will certainly hold true in theirs seems to me a grossly presumptuous assumption. And yet, this happens all the time.

I am one person of over seven billion on this planet. I have my own idiosyncrasies and peculiarities, my own motivators and emotions. To tell someone with a “listen up” tone of voice that what I’ve experienced in life will certainly hold true in theirs seems to me a grossly presumptuous assumption.

Not only does the act of giving advice seem presumptuous, but it oversimplifies the complexity of the world we inhabit. Each of us are unique and expertly crafted with different personalities and methods that work for us as individuals. To assume that there is one right way to “do life” is narrow-minded. In seeing those self-help books on the shelves of Barnes and Noble promising the “three big secrets to success in life,” I can only scoff. The last time I checked, none of us hold all the answers. I say this with passion and conviction not because I aim to condemn, but because I recognize these tendencies in myself and believe they have certainly played a large role in human nature, and still do.

The last time I checked, none of us hold all the answers.

The drive for standardization during the Scientific Revolution is one paramount moment in history in which objectivity was glorified. Enlightenment heroes such as Francis Bacon and René Descartes believed that at our most basic level, we can all find a neutral ground complete with an objective perspective to match. The literature of the early 1700s, too, is awash in this same deceivingly “safe” headspace of self-deceit: we are all alike and everyone thinks the same way that I do. Simply read Alexander Pope’s poem “Essay on Man” if you don’t believe me.

Enlightenment heroes such as Francis Bacon and René Descartes believed that at our most basic level, we can all find a neutral ground complete with an objective perspective to match.

The belief doesn’t sound so terrible to begin with, but if allowed to lose footing down a slippery slope to its logical conclusion, it becomes dangerous. The expectation that we all, deep down, have an objective perspective is utterly false: we cannot separate ourselves from the personal experiences that shape our worldview.

The expectation that we all, deep down, have an objective perspective is utterly false: we cannot separate ourselves from the personal experiences that shape our worldview.

And yet, rather than recognizing and celebrating differences among ourselves, we demonize that which is different and normalize that which is like ourselves. As the number of skeletons in America’s closet prove (a number which tragically continues to grow), “Other groups” become a source of discomfort for those that belong to the privileged majority. The exception to the rule is labelled as a threat deserving of punishment rather than a cause for appreciation and humility. Black Lives Matter protestors are standing up and speaking out against this behavior, urging that differences are not ignored or discriminated against, but embraced and celebrated.

… rather than recognizing and celebrating differences among ourselves, we demonize that which is different and normalize that which is like ourselves.

So unless you are asked to give advice, please, remember the danger of spewing your “life tips.” We oversimplify things when we try to get a grasp on what is beyond our comprehension, but to do so is to ignore our own humility. All of us could benefit from allowing ourselves to sit uncomfortably in uncertainty, because at the end of the day, the expansive world goes way beyond the neat and compartmentalized lives we like to believe we live. When giving advice or receiving it, we should do so humbly, keeping in mind that all advice simply comes from another unique human being’s experience.